Well here I am finally… but how did I get here? I’m writing on my phone now because my little guy stole my seat as usual. He then proceeded to spin around on my computer chair, and naturally didn’t notice the cords. He was tangled! He stood up and crash there goes my laptop. The battery pops out and the cord has become disconnected, I pick it up knowing my dear old windows laptop may just have seen better days, but the screen isn’t cracked thankfully. So I set it to the side for investigation at a more convenient time (if I can find one.) When I finally got around to checking it out, I found the screen was blank and dark – no picture 😕
Now I should tell you what brings me “Hunting Goodwill” otherwise I might just get lost in a tangent or distracted by something decidedly more important.
So I’ve done a lot of thinking and God forbid I pick up a pen and go back to the stone age, my finger is cramping just thinking about it.
For those of you who know me, you know my life is complicated and never uneventful, but sometimes we all need to stop and catch our breath. I’m a special needs mom after all. It’s a high stakes game, very stressful, but the victory is enormous.
Today I’m thinking about the struggle, the fears and failures, the desperation. Dare I say the hopelessness – but I’ll never go down without giving the devil his due. I’m not giving up. That’s what I’m talking about “Hunting Goodwill.”
Yeah I’m struggling, I’m always struggling, but that’s what life ‘s about. Another year has passed and I look at my accomplishments, and it’s never enough. So I dust myself off and try again, try again.
I’ve been thinking about talking another run at potty training my 8-year-old, non-verbal, deafblind, autistic, Angel. (Labels are just labels after all.) He’s my son, and I’d never give up on him. He’s truly an amazing person with innate potential.
We all have our own unique strengths and weaknesses after all. I’m not going to get hung up on negative emotions. I’ve spent two days researching the best approach and the real $ cost involved and I’ve come up with a number, which of course I don’t have. Have I mentioned having a special needs kid is expensive? I feel guilty for saying that but it’s true. There’s some shame in knowing that I’m failing to provide financially. I take one look at my son, and I realize I do have success.
I have faith that some people spend their entire lives in pursuit of. Spirituality I’m grounded like the tree that’s planted by the water. I have a gift in that it comes easy to me like the piano to Beethoven. I’m always “Hunting Goodwill” like “Good Will Hunting” I struggle with fear and fear of failure, fear of loss. I know I have something far more valuable than material wealth.
Who knew training pants could run around $30 – $50 each for an 8-year-old? Size 3T is what $10-$15 for 5 or 6 pairs. How many do we actually need anyway? Well, the experts on cloth diapers agree on 10 or more as a minimal amount. Potty training experts estimate 12-18 pairs depending upon how often you can and will do the laundry.
Do you have some goodwill to share? Every little bit counts. It all adds up. I’ll update you shortly on the details but for now I’m going to get back to my movie. I need to blow off some steam because before you know it the engine will be running full speed ahead…